The Friends I'll Be Leaving in 2017

2017 was the year of self love and happiness for me. I'd spent ages searching for it. Something that I thought only depended on myself. If I'm not happy then it's my fault, right?

I've had some pretty low moments this year. Whenever I feel low I blame myself, I pick at myself, my flaws bubble to the surface and I compare. We all do it.

But something that has only just clicked with me recently is that my happiness is determined by those people I surround myself with. Every self help book tells you it, but you brush past it. It's the ulcer you know is there, but you can't be bothered to treat it. So you let it lie. Until it comes back again.

When people cancel. I think it's my fault. I let it happen time and time again, yet I still let them back into my life. Only to happen again. When will I learn? When will I acknowledge that my good nature is abused and hung out to dry. That these people do not deserve me. 

This weekend made it all too apparent to me that I can't continue like this anymore. Being there and making myself available to people that don't give a shit if they've 'accidentally' double booked. Only to let you know an hour before. That's always nice. But it's never been the first time.

It may have taken me the whole year to reevaluate what makes me happy and what makes me not so happy. But I'm here now, and these are the friends I'll be leaving firmly in 2017...

The Canceller

We all cancel. Sometimes we have to, I'll only ever cancel if I'm ill and I totally understand when people are ill too, it can't be helped.

But I'm talking about the serial canceller. The one that asks YOU if you want to do something, you don't even bother making the first move anymore because you know what it leads to.

It doesn't just happen once. You get excuses, lies and sometimes you won't even get a response until the next day. Shame. You'd already turned up at the place at 10am the day before like you arranged.

How does that make you feel? 

It makes you feel pretty shit. Firstly, you've got no time to rearrange and make other plans, charming. You're questioning whether they've dumped you for better plans (always a contender) and are you actually a person people want to spend time with? Are you even likeable? Do people even like you?

It continues. The canceller has been the biggest thing in my life this year and it makes me feel worse EVERY single time. 

But this time I won't be going back. I've had enough. I've identified this as being the biggest thing that makes me feel sad, and I'm not letting it happen anymore. Those friends can stick their plans, because I'm not being that person that's cancelled on anymore.

I'm done with being second best all the time.

The Me Me Me

I like to think I'm a good listener, but also a good talker. I love to ask a lot of questions as I'm a very inquisitive person, I'd always rather talk about someone else than me. I'm really quite boring.

But what happens when it becomes completely one sided? The friend that only ever talks about themselves, the amazing things that have been happening, the places they've been, and you're happy for them. But have they once asked how you are? No.

There's also a fine line between being really happy for your friend that they're achieving all these great things, but when it's done in a way when everything is about them, you start evaluating in your life what you have achieved. You compare yourself, which instantly makes it become an unhealthy relationship, and it only spirals down from there.

I've met A LOT of people who fall into this camp over the years and they never stay around for long. If a friendship isn't a two way thing and brings you down rather than lifting you up it's time to let it go. 

The One Who Never Replies

I'm 100% holding my hands up here and saying that sometimes I completely forget to reply. In fact one of my good friends I met through blogging, we take at least 1 month to reply to each other because we actually send essays to each other. But we both get it, there isn't anything pressing.

If it's a question, or some form of message that needs a reply and you get nothing, it's the worst. When they eventually reply you message back straight away, only to then have nothing for 4 more working days.

Messages take 10 seconds to send. No one is too busy to not message you back, stat. You are and should be important enough to deserve a response back. The 'I've been so busy' excuse is frankly pathetic. Cos WE ARE ALL BUSY. We all have jobs, we all have commitments, we all have different friends, but we find time for it.

Finding time in a day to reply to a friend is part of the friend package. And if you don't have that, then it's frankly not worth it. 

It's time for me to stop being 'so nice' and take the bull by the horns. So to speak. I don't have time for people that don't have the time for me anymore. Everyone's time is deserving, when time really is so precious.

There's nothing I hate more than negativity, but sometimes these things just have to be aired. If anything, just for myself. With every cleanse though comes a fresh start, and I think by getting away from people that bring me down it will allow me to push my happiness into the spotlight next year.

Remember, you are always number 1.

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How My Style Has Evolved In The Last 5 Years

It was only last week that I realised it had been 7 years since I turned 18. 7 WHOLE years. It's a lifetime away from the bodycon dresses I used to wear every Saturday night, the untouched eyebrows and the dangly feathered earrings, because cute.

I'm *probably* not the only one who looks back and silently cringes at how we used to look. How we used to dress. But also how times were different then, and so were we.

Some people never look any different. From weight gain and hair dye gone wrong, it's fair to say I've evolved over the years, and HEY hopefully for the better. 

Whilst things have changed and people have come and gone, fashion has always been that one consistent and stable thing in my life. It's always been there and I've always loved it. It's just that it's evolved over the years with natural progression.  I like to think I know my style and what suits me more than ever now. Just call me Trinny & Susannah.

So how has it changed I hear ya ask.

Well, you only need to hit the left arrow on my Facebook profile picture to see. Or scroll back on my Instagram to the beginning of time. Its not pretty, but it's me. We all make bad style choices, I still do now. I still get called Pat Butcher and told I've forgotten to change out of my pjs, I guess I've just learnt to be happy in what I wear, and if that's not the most important thing about style and being comfortable in what you're wearing, I don't know what is.

I now dress for myself. Not for others, not to impress others, just for myself, by myself. I wear what makes me happy, what makes me feel good, and an outfit that I feel like I could take over the world in. 

The days of heading to Revolutions in a cut out dress that barely covers my stomach are over. I'm sad about it too. Never did I think I would be a confident, twenty something who wore MIDI skirts. Who the frick do I think I am? Midi skirts make me feel smart, sassy and confident. I love dressing them up as much as I do dressing them down with sneakers and a jumper.

I barely wear anything above my knee now or plunging necklines. Congratulations to me, I am now officially that old person. I cringe at the thought of someone catching me wearing a mini skirt and someone saying 'she's too old to wear that'. Let's face it, it's gonna happen. 

The way I accessorise has grown up a lot too. The feathery dangly earrings and £1 bangles from Primark have already made their way to the charity shop. I rarely swap my pearl earrings for anything else these days, and I spend more on investment pieces that are timeless and classic. No matter how old you get.

The 18 year old bangle wearer has now swapped it for classy, yet sassy bracelets from Thomas Sabo. My 2 current favourite huns are the Friendship Bracelets - Little Secrets Bracelets which I have dressed with their Charm Club Charms for bracelets. A little N in case I forget my name, and a 4 leaf clover, because a girl really gotta have a bit of luck every now and then. I pair it with my Love Bridge bracelet, also pink (OBV) which features the cutest little skull. 

I can really see myself adding to this bracelet with sentimental charms that mark milestones and special occasions. There is more than 500 charms in their whole collection, so you can be as creative as you want. 

I really want to mark the time that I lived in Finland as this was a really big part of my life. I've even found a Finnish flag charm, so I definitely know what I'm going to add next. I love the idea that this bracelet will stay with me, and I can add to it for the rest of my life.

Little jewellery pieces like this finish off my outfit better than your mum's red lipstick and glitter eyeliner from collection 2000 that you've had for 3 years. They're sleek, minimal and finish my outfit off to perfection.

With jewellery, and skirt/trouser length covered, I guess the major last change for me has been colour. I no longer shy away from colour. I mean, I like pink, if you hadn't noticed? You'll rarely catch me without wearing some form of pink these days. But do you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way.

I no longer see getting older each year as a burden. I'm more adventurous with what I wear, I know what I like/what suits me and I've got to that stage in my life that I really don't care what anyone else thinks.

I just style it my way.

T-shirt - ASOS

Trousers - Topshop

Jacket - Missguided

Boots - Miss Selfridge via ASOS

Charm Bracelet Little Secret* - Thomas Sabo

Love Bridge Bracelet Skull Pink Pave* - Thomas Sabo

How has your style changed as you've got older?

*Products marked with an asterix (*) have been sent to me for review. This is a sponsored post in collaboration with Thomas Sabo. However, all opinions in this post are 100% my own

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Fakery Within The Influencer Network

November has been the month of the so called 'blogger scandals'. The tweets dug up from a decade ago, and witch hunts to bring influencers crashing to the ground. Perhaps they deserved it?
It's common knowledge that the blogging community has become cattier than ever. Quite frankly it's embarrassing. But something that is striking me now more than ever is the fakery. It's a bad smell you just can't get rid. It lingers.
This is WAY beyond the real life vs Instagram paradigm.
I was at a 'place' a couple of weeks ago. Bloggers and influencers flock to there on a regular basis. To snap pictures against what probably is the dreamiest backdrop a gal will ever find. It's a bloggers dream. No denying it.
But it's not all that meets the eye. Firstly, to say I felt out of place is an understatement. I even got the memo about wearing pink, but nope. We paid the £5 price tag for a tiny, all be it dry cupcake to soak up the atmosphere on a cold table outside. LOL life.
Before we knew it there was 'influencers' descending on us. Sitting on the tables next to us, posing. Only leaving 5 minutes later with the shots that they had and uploading to Insta. We actually found these pictures on the influencers account afterwards claiming that they had been there. 
Like lol, no hun. I don't know what stopped me from calling her out then and there. It made me think. What is real that we see?
It was embarrassing. Way beyond embarrassing. It was everything that I would never want to be. I actually said 'I really hope I'm not like that'. DONT CHEAT THE SYSTEM. You pay for this £5 cupcake like everyone else to get the shots.
I have encountered 'influencers' like this before at events who turn up for the free s***, are nice to your face (or not) and then unfollow you as soon as they get home. 
Everyone is out to make a quick buck in this materialistic and quite frankly fake industry. It appears that being fake sells. But for how long?
How long are we going to continue buying into influencers who wear an outfit once, its up on depop within the hour and what comes with it is often no personality. More 'girls grab 40% off this top now' and *insert cliche quote*.
I'm fed up of endless beach shots, in bikini bottoms wedged up between bum cheeks (JUST BUY A GOD DAMN THONG BIKINI) when I'm slaving away in a 9-5 job and feeling guilty for looking between my curtains for the dominos delivery guy to pull up.
As influencers, you are ultimately a role model. You have responsibilities for you what you post. So it begs the question, do you think they are healthy role models? Do you honestly want to be like that?
It is not an attainable or easy lifestyle for your average, everyday person. It never will be. A person who works a 9-5 day, comes home to work on their own goals, still finds time to comment and reply to peoples questions, and bags their clothes up for a charity shop, rather than making money on something that they got for free is a role model.
Followers need to understand that these are not everyday lifestyles to buy into. That perfect bikini shot? It has been taken 153748 times, probably before breakfast and after a gym session. That 'jacket' they're promoting? They probably don't even like it. They've just been paid x amount to promote it, they're laughing. It's fakery at its finest.
That's why I'm buying into real people. Real bloggers who share their personal life, the high bits, as well as the low. The ones that stay true to themselves no matter how high their follower count reaches. The ones that exist past their Instagram account.
I've dropped a 'few' influencers off my Instagram feed in the last week. It's unhealthy, not realistic and quite personally a fake and unattainable lifestyle that I'm just not interested in.  

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2 Years On - What My Current Job Has Taught Me

Ey up, how did this happen? It only feels like yesterday my mum made a packed lunch for my first day in my big girl job.

It was a lifetime away from answering phone calls from angry train users, and slipping into the same monotony every day that felt like it would last forever. I never thought I would get out. But I did.

My new job was the challenge and breath of fresh air that I needed. I never thought I would make it past the first month. I wasn't cut out for this, I wasn't smart enough and that person inside my head keept telling me I wasn't good enough. And sometimes it still does.

But here I am, over 2 years later. It's funny how things work out. It's not been an easy journey, but I value the lessons I've learnt since I've been there.

I've cried. I've brought work home with me to finish, and start. I've done extra work to show my worth, and enough presentations to shake a stick out. I've sold my soul to the devil a few times too. Ya know how it is.

It feels like I've constantly had to prove my worth, but maybe that's not so much of a bad thing.

I must admit in hindsight I never thought I would last. When I left uni I didn't think I could manage a full time job after recovering from pancreatitis. My confidence had seriously been knocked and I sort of didn't know how to be around people anymore. It was really damn hard.

I knew the only way I could ever progress was to push past it and get out of my comfort zone. Be pushed into the spotlight and left to cope. Survive drowning in the ocean when you see no glimmer of hope.

That 3 month mark was my milestone. A milestone that I tell anyone to apply to any new job that they start. It will get easier. After 3 months everything starts to slot into place. Those 24635 questions you have no longer need to be asked, and you know what? It's all gonna be okay.

Knowing your worth and value to a company is not a reflection of your skills. It's that person inside your head telling you you'll never be good enough. I've moved up the ranks in the short time that I've been in my job and quite frankly I need to cut myself some slack sometimes.

Having said that, it's not always easy being a girl in a male dominated office. I've been blanked in meetings, left on the shelf and excluded when I really should be there. It's a societal issue that I've met, that ultimately makes me question my worth and value. 

You hear about the gender gap on TV, but you don't think it's an actual thing until you experience it. I have no doubt that I will always feel like that little girl who doesn't know a thing, but it makes me strive to always DO better. 

Paper trail is everything. As soon as the s*** hits the fan, the fingers start pointing. Here we go again. 

Ticking those boxes and organisation along the way will never land you in deep water when you're trying to fight your corner. Paper trail is the easiest way to show your innocence. That get out clause to say, HEY I have done my job.

A final lesson for me is to show conviction in what you're saying. Even if you don't have a clue what you're saying. Be confident. If you're confident in what you're saying, you're one step closer to convincing that person on the other line. They're ranting? Stop speaking and let them. They'll soon stop when they realise you're not reacting.

Despite the hardships I've encountered along the way it's shaping those early, hard years of climbing the ladder to success. We all have to do it.

Ticking those boxes, hardening and strengthening me for whatever experience is next.

Stand your ground, be confident in what you say and work damn hard. No workplace is perfect (or so it seems), and the wall to wall bants in my office definitely helps when you've been laid a bombshell 20 minutes earlier. Just take everything in your stride.

If you're sat there wondering what it is that I actually do with my life, make sure you check out my what I do for my day job post!

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