The Importance of Being Content In Your Own Company

I think you either sit in two camps as a person. 1) You thrive off company and don't like being alone or 2) You love being alone. I mean there might be some middle ground between the two, but it's also kinda like you either don't drink alcohol or you only drink to get smashed. See what I mean?

The best thing about being a human is you can do what you like, be with who you want to be, but also be alone a lot of the time, and that's fine too. I have always liked my own company, but equally loved being with friends and always doing something and rushing to somewhere. We're millenials, we like to always look busy, even if we're not. 

When I lived in Finland for a year and was forced into a spiralling dark hole of loneliness, homesickness and culture shock, I suddenly couldn't cope. I didn't know how to be by myself. I hated my own company, I wanted something, anything to be dragged away from my thoughts, and 'jail like' room which I admittedly didn't leave very much. I totally didn't help myself. The darkness didn't help, neither did the -30 degree temperatures. But it was hard, and also a learning curve I will never forget. In learning how to be at one with yourself, and be happy with that.

So much emphasis is always put on going out, doing things, being WITH people and making more friends. Those things are great, but there's so much importance to being content in your own company first. If you can nail and enjoy that, then social gatherings, and going out should be a breeze. But you'll equally look forward to those times when it's just you too.

The thought of moving into my own home in March by myself scared me just a little. I was worried it would be like uni all over again, and it wasn't just the fact that I could only cook beans on toast that scared me. 

I was also surprised by the amount of people who asked whether I would be scared or lonely living by myself. FACT, TIME WAITS FOR NOBODY. Why can a girl not buy a property and live in it by herself, without it being questioned? It's honestly to me the most normal, and sensible thing to do. 

And THIS is the misconception, that if you're by yourself or live by yourself you're lonely and sad. Not an independent young person who's ready to take on the world and don't need nobody, and someone who really really loves every inch of themselves. It's taken me time to realise, but it speaks more about the people that ask these questions than about yourself.

Because a lot of people feel uncomfortable in being alone. Admittedly, it once was for me. I now cherish those moments of quiet when I get home, I'm so busy *cleaning*, making my lunch for the next day that those thoughts from the day don't even get a look in. I'm happy in having a Lush bath and jumping on the sofa in the peace. Bashing out a blog post and sinking into a double bed by myself at 10pm. Living. The. Dream. 

Your own company doesn't necessarily mean having to sit on the sofa by yourself every evening. It's going for a walk by yourself, sitting in a cafe and doing some work and not caring or wondering if people are thinking why you're by yourself. 

It's travelling the world by yourself and not knowing what adventures or people you'll meet along the way will be. It's about having the time of your life and creating your own memories, without the need for someone to help or tell you where your journey should take you.

Life is too short to live up to peoples expectations that aren't your own. Wanting to do something, but not having anyone to do it with, so you don't. Not making that plunge to move out because you're waiting for Mr Perfect to come along.

Only you can make yourself happy and that starts from within. Being content by yourself is the elusive start of that path to self love, and something that has really fallen into place for me this year.

Go chase your dreams, do things for yourself, stop thinking you need to please others and just be content. Grab every opportunity by the hand that comes along, even if that means doing something by yourself, for yourself. Happiness starts with you.

T-shirt - Zara

Cardigan - River Island

Jeans - Topshop

Bag - Zara

Converse - Asos

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9 Things You Do On The Daily Commute (By Car)

Once upon a time it used to take me 10 minutes to get to work in the mornings, I could wake up at 7am and have a confident 30 mins scrolling through my Insta stories before I even had to think about making myself look less than half dead. Once upon a time was roughly 6 months ago for me. 

LOL. Imagine the above. Until some guy came along and thought it would be a good idea to do a bunch of roadworks for 18 months on the busiest road in Plymouth, yippeee. What could go wrong they say? 

In total I have spent maybe 7 hours per week sat in my car, not moving. Sometimes 1 hour at a time. For a 20 minute journey. PITY ME. That is 7 episodes of Narcos, almost a full sleep, A PLANE TRIP TO New York. I know what I'd rather be doing...

But HEY, if you catch my drift, you can probably totally relate to these things when you're just not moving..

1. You've already been stationary for 15 minutes and the traffic report says 'traffic is moving fine through *insert town/area/location*'. Like LOL I'm not moving mate. You practically scream at the man who says otherwise. Your'e not even here though. You even consider ringing the number to put the story straight, until you realise you can't text and drive, even when not moving.

2. Heart. Radio. Heart. Radio. You're switching the channels more than Jess from Love Island pops up a paid ad on Insta. You know the drill, as soon as there's talking and adverts you're switching faster than Usain Bolt. 

3. You're sure you left in the pitch black at 6am, except you're certain that the sunrise has already happened whilst you've been sat there in your car. Have I really not moved for 2 hours? No you haven't.

4. When cars try to cut in by skipping the traffic - NOT ON MY WATCH BITCHES. You clutch control so close to the car in front as humanely possible to stop anyone cutting in and stealing you edging forwards by 5m. But HEY, if you want to cut in, you almost burst an artery with rage when no one does and start shaking your head in the hope they look back in their rear mirror. How rude?

5. You drive past the same builders or whatever they're called doing the road works every day. Never doing any work. You drive slowly past them each day, properly giving them the death stare. Do they ever do any work tho? You even consider shouting at them, fancy holding 548368 people up every day.

6. As you're edging closer to work, you think of all the stories and traffic tales you're going to bore your colleagues with. Like do you even go to work if the first 20 mins aren't spent talking about traffic tho? Probs not.

7. You start to think if quitting your job because the traffic sucks is a valid reason to quit. The mini breakdowns you have in the car every day are taking their toll, you always say you'll drive a different way, but you never learn your lesson, course you aint coming in a different way.

8. The worst bit about being stuck in traffic? You can't check your phone. You're chomping at the bit to check how many Insta likes your latest post has got, probably none, but STILL. 

9. You long for the school holidays, and traffic is the only way you actually know when those school holidays are happening'. Empty roads, 7am wake up calls, stress free journeys - please stay. But if there is roadworks LOL, sorry not for you. You realise that the most exciting event coming up in your schedule is the date the roadworks finish, and you're really not sorry about that. Roadwork free trips to work over a getaway to the Malia Strip any day.

Can you relate to any of these?

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5 Lush Halloween Products You Need In Your Bath This Autumn

Oh, what would you know, just like that it's almost bloody NOVEMBER. I'm not ready to admit that I still haven't met this years 4637 New Years resolutions, or set next years for that fact. But I love this time of the year, it's fresher, it's about buying PSL's that you don't even drink OR like - and sweet merry lord, the Lush Halloween collection is out too. It's better than ever.

I got a little preview of the Lush Halloween and Christmas collection a couple of weeks ago at their blogger event. Aint nobody do better blog events than these guys. I'd already spotted a few returning huns from last year and some new additions that have somehow topped what they did last year. 

So whilst the evenings are starting to draw in, those days of leaving and coming home in the dark are on the horizon, the bathing season has started. For me, you won't want to be without these 5 Lush Halloween products this Autumn!

1. Bewitched Bubble Bar

How cute tho? It reminds me of a) lucky black cats b) the children's TV programme from the 90s (Cat's Eyes) and C) Salem from Sabrina, I'm smitten. Imagine having a black bath, like how Halloween and spooky is that? It's obviously going to be my bath product of choice when the 31st rolls around.

Yep, it's the first time this one has ever graced the shelves of Lush and I hope it makes a return.

2. Naked Twilight* (shower gel)

Mama have mercy. It's Twilight galore this year in Lush and I could not be more excited. I almost wet myself a bit when I realised Twilight shower gel was actually being sold in my Plymouth store, say what? I've always been a Twilight fan as opposed to a Snow Fairy gal and if their new twilight/sleepy additions weren't enough, they've now released a Naked shower gel of Twilight.

A lot of their products are now available in a naked form, removing plastic from the equation, it's of course much better for the environment, and lasts longer too. It smells INCRED - I almost want to use it as a room scent as it's just sooooo good. 

I'm not entirely sure on the 'naked' concept yet, I think it's great what they're doing and hasn't been done before, but I'm not sure of how you would really store it or travel with it. But it is Twilight, so of course I had to have it. (Already setting my alarm for the Boxing Day sale to grab THE LOT).

3. Pink Pumpkin

Why buy the orange version when there is PINK. Always pink. I'm super happy at this new addition this year that is undeniably going to go down a storm with bloggers and girls everywhere. 

It's pink, sparkly and lasts a few bath times, what's not to love about that?

4. Pumpkin

Pumpkin is back this year and it's a Halloween tradition of mine. You can't not buy Pumpkin, like it's the law. This cute bath bomb fizzes and creates that autumnal bath colour of dreams.

A comforting and sweet smell which is almost just that bit more satisfying than having a whiff of a PSL. I like it a lot.

5. Lord of Misrule

Lord of Misrule is a babe! I think this is the third or fourth year it has returned, and the smells, colours are just divine. It's that one bath bomb that will always nail that lushie bath art for your Insta too.

It reminds me of the theatre show Wicked with its wicked green colour, it's only £3.95 too, so it definitely comes in at one of the more cheaper bath bombs!

What are your favourite bathing products from the Halloween collection?

*Products marked with an asterix (*) have been sent to me for review. However, all opinions in this post are 100% my own

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Life On Being A Teetotal 25 Year Old

It's been 4 years since I last drank alcohol. Knowingly at least. 4 years since I turned my life around and I snatched back that part of me that was once the life and soul of the party. The type that didn't need a bottle of your Asda voddy to get you cutting shapes on the dance floor. 

I was complete without it before, and once again I was. 

So let's just jump back to Thursday night last week. It was a launch night at a hot new restaurant in town, OK so people were mostly there for the free bar all night, and a few bits of finger food tossed in for good measure. It was a nice evening, I'd already been spoken down to about not drinking by two separate bar staff. I'd already lied twice about why I wasn't drinking too.

'I'm driving!'.... 'Early start tomorrow, you know how it is'....

One more mocktail for the road I thought. I'd already had about 2 cartons of passionfruit juice, my sugar allowance had been reached for the week, but go on then. 

As I was handed the only one mocktail option of the night, within the first sip I'd realised I'd just had my first swig of rum in a very long time, and I was scared. 

OK, it was a sip. Only a sip, practically like having a chocolate champagne truffle. Whatcha gonna do? I honestly imagine the feeling is like a vegan being handed a quorn sausage, later realising it was actually a pork sausage. That sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, I'd worked so hard to avoid alcohol before, I felt like my abstinence from it had been ruined in a second. It had.

It seems that being teetotal actually seems to get harder and worse to explain when you get older. I'm never going to be that girl who can neck a bottle of prosecco with the girls before a night out, I'll never drink a dirty pint again (ain't that a shame), buying pretty cocktails for Insta will never happen for me. That's fine. 

It's the acceptance of other people, strangers even, that's hard. Will I always find this hard? Why do I find myself lying? Why am I made to feel so embarrassed about it?

The hardest part is that I don't have a choice. I was forced to give up alcohol and never look back if I wanted to get my health back on track, to stay out of hospital and be able to live my life. That's a small cost to pay for my health, fitness and being able to enjoy doing things that I once did. To find happiness once again. 

I never thought I would recover from pancreatitis, the pain, losing weight, the months of tests, the sadness - no one sees that. No one can understand unless they put themselves in your shoes. It's something that I always try to do with other people. Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.

To the barman that once laughed in my face when I asked in a bar if they did mocktails. The barman last week who said I was boring and should be making the most of a free bar. The people who laugh and question how you could ever go on a night out sober. 

To all of those people who single me out and make me feel like a freak, you make it hard, but you make me more grateful than ever that I can say no to you. I'm just lucky it's easier than saying no to eating a whole packets of biscuit in one sitting. That aint easy.

I wonder in time if I will become more accepting of it too. The problem is knowing how life once was, knowing what it was like to get off your trolley. It needs to start from me, I need to be able to accept it before anyone else can.

I long to feel that gentle buzz from the alcohol reaching my bloodstream again, those best friends you meet in the club toilets, LUV your hair BBZ. Those first waking moments when you can't remember a thing that happened, slowly piecing it together by pictures, snapchat stories and text messages. I do miss it. For a social aspect at least, I won't ever let my guard down or let my hair down like I once did.

I still have fleeting moments where I think I should try it again. See what happens. 

But it's too big a risk to take. I can't afford to put myself back in a hospital bed for a few hours of fun. And that's just it, learning to accept that this is it from now on and for an eternity. There's no going back. No second chances.

I will never be able to drink alcohol again, when I'm 26, 30 or 50. This is my life and the sooner I can accept it for what it is, the sooner I can say up yours to those people that make me feel inferior.

Being teetotal is not an issue, and it never should be. 

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