What It Really Feels Like To Have Acne

Photography: Viivi N. Media

A few years ago after I ended my summer adventure at Camp America and headed to Finland for my exciting year abroad, I'd made endless memories, drank a little bit too much, barely had any sleep and certainly didn't have time to wash my makeup off or look after my skin properly. WHAT EVEN IS FACE WASH THO? Within 2 months of arriving in Finland I seemed to develop acne overnight. I'd suffered from troublesome skin before, but nothing more than your average spotty teenage skin. The acne took me completely by surprise, and teamed with being far away from home and not knowing many people made me feel incredibly isolated.

The worst thing when you have acne is that even if they're not you feel like EVERYONE is looking at your spots, not you or listening to what you're saying but those new, red and angry eruptions that appeared on your face overnight.

No one understands. Unless you've suffered with acne yourself, there is no way that you can begin to imagine how it feels to live inside a body that has acne. I felt like I looked ill, I felt like people would think I ate really badly. Like LOL she actually does resemble a pizza Margherita. I felt self conscious, I doubted how I looked and it was painful. The face of acne is that it's miserable. You feel so alone, and after trying everything on the counter, and trying one after another of recommendations you see no change. It feels like you're going to look like this for the rest of your life.

Your outlook completely changes. I was once an incredibly confident and 'life and soul' type of person at the party until acne arrived. I didn't want any focus put on me, I cowered away as I was embarrassed for people to see my skin, it was like I was fading away as a person and spiralling into a dark hole that I didn't know if I could return from.

It's strange how a physical problem can affect you mentally, but when something literally makes itself resident in your skin overnight, how could it not? I struggled for 6 months with acne, and when it was at it's worse I just didn't know what I could do or turn to. I was adamant not to seek medical advice, I was also in Finland at the time so this made it very difficult. James sent me various spot treatments and creams in the post that I couldn't get in Finland and I was forever grateful for his support. At the time I struggled to even think how he could find me attractive and want to stay with me. You are the same person, but acne has a hold over you that can make you doubt even your strongest morals.

I wanted to be sucked into a dark hole when friends would be moaning about one spot on their face, like LOL LOOK, I am more spot than face. I went through bottles and bottles of concealer, making every effort to cake my skin and hide the fiery and painful eruptions. Let's not even talk about the treatments that made your entire facial skin shed like a snake. Flaky and spotty, cute. There was no hiding from it. There is no mercy when you have acne. It will continue, and continue and you never know when it's going to get better, or lord forbid it, if it will get worse. The weeks and months just blend into one. You think you'll have it for the rest of your life. 

There was a period of time where I never shared photos of myself, only the people I lived in Finland with knew I had it, with that being bad enough, I don't know how I would have coped bumping into people I had known all my life. I didn't look well and I didn't want anyone to ever look at my face again. Only I have photos of what my skin once was, which I'm not sure I'll ever share. 

Those were dark days. But with time it got better. It didn't happen overnight, it wasn't one of those light at the end of the tunnel moments, but it was working progress. I stopped drinking alcohol, I went back to basics with a very simple skincare regime and I started eating better. The scabs and crusty formations slowly started to heal and fade, I was slowly left with a handful of scars which I think I was lucky to escape with. It's now been 4 years since I had acne and I really hope it's left my life for good. I still panic when I see a few new spots forming, but I always know it will get better. Acne will get better, you just need to give it time, love yourself and remember that acne certainly does not and should not dictate your life. You're more of a person than your acne is.

Have you struggled with acne before? Can you relate to my experience in any way? How did you combat your acne?

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La Roche-Posay Effaclar Duo + | Review

Today was meant to be an outfit post but i do apologise because the weather was not having any of it, yesterday the rain and fog was terrible, so hopefully it is a bit nicer today! Firstly, i would just like to say a massive THANK YOU to everyone who read my post on Living with IBS, you can read it here if you missed it! I am simply overwhelmed by the amount of comments, tweets and emails that i received, everyone has been so supportive about it which has made me so happy and even more positive as i really was so worried about posting it because as you can understand its a very personal topic! But as my close friend Nora from uni said to me 'talking about it is a form of acceptance, and acceptance is a form of freedom' and she couldn't be more closer to the truth, it has helped so much opening up about it and hopefully i will help to raise if not a little bit more awareness about the illness, so thank you again you are all amazing! <3 
Anyway, moving onto today's beauty post i am going to share my thoughts about the much raved about La Roche-Posay Effaclar duo +. I had read so many reviews on this before purchasing as when it comes to skin care i get worried about nasty allergic reactions and using something that might make my spots even worse. Almost every review was positive so i took the plunge as Escentual were offering a 1/3 off all of their French pharmacy skincare. So here is what i thought..

Effaclar duo + - £13.15| Link Effaclar duo + is the new reformulated version of the previous Effaclar duo. I had never even heard of the brand before let alone that there was an old version of it and i probably still wouldn't now if i didn't read blogs! This product is designed at correcting the appearance of imperfections and by unclogging blocked pores as well as preventing scars from forming in the future so it is perfect for people with skin prone to breakouts and for people like me who also like picking spots (i am so terrible).
It advises that it can be applied twice a day in the morning and evening or just once a day. Before i purchased the product someone on twitter (sorry i cant remember who!) said that it was best to use once a day as the product can be quite harsh. As i have sensitive skin i followed her advice on the matter and started using it in the evenings as i think products generally do work best over night. The consistency of this is just like any other moisturiser, when i first started using this it did feel quite tingly on my skin which scared me as i thought i was going to have a reaction but it seems quite normal and after almost a week i didn't get this feeling anymore. I would also say that you should avoid putting it on any dry patches as because i learnt it stings/itches SO much! After a week i also felt that my skin was okay to use it twice a day which i have been doing so since.
So, what have the results been so far? 
I have been using this for a month now and i was going to call this a miracle product at about 2 weeks in but i'm really not so sure now. Firstly my main problem was that i had scarring from acne and i also still get a lot of spots on my forehead as well as having black heads on my nose. The biggest change to my skin has been the texture, i honestly cant believe how much smoother my skin has become and it is now a real pleasure to apply cream to my skin because of this haha. After the 2 weeks stage i also had practically clear skin on my forehead which is so unusual as i usually have a few knocking around. But i am now into the fourth week and it claims by this time that pores should look unclogged.. My forehead is possibly worse than when i began using this which is really disappointing, although i have heard that some people go through a purging stage in the process which is basically bringing all of the rubbish out of the skin which will inevitably cause spots. I am hoping this is why i have the sudden return of spots because i am so desperate for this product to be amazing! I have also noticed that my blackheads are much more visible on my nose so i am hoping that it is still working in unclogging them. Also in regards to the scarring i have noticed a slight difference in the appearance of them, this i think will take the longest to treat because as anything like this i think that you really need to persist with the treatment, so i will be buying this again once it runs out. I also think this is an amazing base for makeup, as i have combination skin i have noticed that it really reduces the shine on my forehead and it helps my makeup to stay matte during the day.
So overall i will be repurchasing this as i feel i need to give it more time, it is fantastic in improving skin texture and it is a great base for makeup, i do believe that it is still working on unclogging my pores (mine must be terrible!) so i am living in hope, i will definitely update you in a few weeks or so  on how i'm getting on! I hope you are all having a lovely weekend!
What do you think of this product? Have you tried it before? Do you use any similar products? What do you use for acne scarring?

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My skin care routine

Despite not even knowing what a cleanser was last year i have tried to get a good skincare routine going now. I suffered from bad acne last year which i have discussed in previous posts, so for me the skincare products i use are cheap and simple but overly effective.  I always fancy trying the more expensive attractive skin care people blog about but they often have fragrances and can cause your skin to be worse than it already was. So, If you suffer from acne/skin prone to spots or have sensitive skin then i cant recommend these products to you enough.

Simple facial wash gel - Most of my skincare includes the Simple skincare products. I started using these when i developed acne last year, i know people will spend a lot more money on skin care than me but I've found something that works,it keeps my acne from coming back,cleans my skin,contains no nasty smells or chemicals,it is simple(excuse the pun) but it works fabulously if you have sensitive skin or just want something that's cheap and it is still just as good as more expensive items.

Simple light moisturiser - I have combination skin and can get quite oily so the light moisturiser is perfect for me,i used this moisturiser while i lived in Finland and my skin was never dry despite the temperature being -30!! It does the job and that's all i want and need from a moisturiser.

Simple cleansing face wipes - I know that face wipes are branded as lazy and not too good to the skin but if i am ever on holiday,had a late night then these are perfect and they remove your makeup quickly and easily,after nights out i used to sleep in my makeup so for me face wipes are the best for a lazy person like me when i'm tired, and again no nasty chemicals in these and they don't irritate my skin. 

As you can tell i love Simple skincare and i will never stray from these products to more expensive and fancy items that i must admit look great but i know what works for my sensitive skin, i haven't had acne again since using them and the products are so cheap and often on offer for 3 for 2 at boots that you just cant go wrong!

Aqueous cream - Most people have probably heard of aqueous cream at some point in their life. I use this when i have particularly dry bits on my face and body for that matter. I apply it after my normal moisturiser in the desired parts and usually by the next day my skin is back to normal,i used to apply this all over my face but its so thick that it clogged up my pores so i recommend using this on just the odd patch when and as needed.As for the body its brilliant as a daily or an intensive moisturiser every now and again,its so cheap too at only £1 for 500g tub in Savers!

Skin therapy cleansing lotion - I used to use the simple cleanser but then i discovered this one from Wilkinsons costing only 98p!! Very cheap but it literally is the identical to the simple one,its plain,simple,has no fragrance but it does its job and is really effective at removing my makeup with the aid of cotton wool.

Acne Killer mask - If you've been reading my blog recently you'll now how much of a fan i am of this product, you can read my full review on it here. I use this mask once monthly now that my acne has gone just to prevent my pores from clogging up and the return of it. It is a peel off mask and it is painful, but if you are looking for a quick solution then this is it!

I hope you enjoyed reading about my cheap skin care routine! I am now off on holiday to Menorca for a week yey,but i have lots of posts lined up for you when i am back,and if you have any questions in the meantime i will reply to those as soon as i am back,i hope you all have a lovely week!What do you think? Have any of you tried these products before?

Monthly favourites // August

How is it that September is now just around the corner?! These holidays for me have just flown by and i really don't have anything to show for it apart from a sun tan..But,I am so happy to say that i have survived my first month of blogging (yey) and with many more to come. I am a lot more motivated now and i'm getting into a routine of posting regular posts and i have chatted to some such lovely bloggers through twitter and on my blog posts, and i want to thank everyone who has read my posts and followed me, i'm very grateful and it really makes my day hearing from you!

Anyway, onto this months favourites,its a good bunch!

Vaseline spray & Go body moisturiser (cocoa radiant) - This is one of Vaselines newest releases and its safe to say i love it, and will be repurchasing again. The spray element to it makes it so easy to apply and it only takes a couple of rubs and you are moisturised in seconds. So many moisturisers take so long to rub in properly but i can literally moisturise my whole body in 2 minutes flat, it smells great too and it is really moisturising despite how fast it sinks into the skin. This product will be perfect for when its cold and you jump out of the shower and just want to quickly get changed but without skipping moisturising. I have been using this same bottle for almost a month now and i am thrilled with it.

Boots Soltan Aftersun - This is a pretty boring product but it really has been a summer necessity for me! I never see much point in spending a lot of money on aftersun as boots own brand one is great,i picked some of these up for £2.50 when they had half price off all suncare. It's really helped to prolong my tan this summer,it absorbs easily,it cools down any sunburn you may have and it smells like summer!Sold.

Schwarzkopf Gliss Total repair shampoo - I'm always trying new hair products and this has been my go to shampoo this month, it claims to repair hair with liquid keratin and is targeted at those with dry and damaged hair. My hair is very long and it is in great condition now but i'm always trying to prevent and limit any further damage, my hair feels soft and looks shiny after washing but to be honest it really is hard for me to tell if a product works these days as i always use Moroccan oil (amazing!),however i do love this shampoo and again it makes my hair smell great so i would buy this again.

Unite 7 seconds conditioner - Nothing but love for this product, this featured in my hair cost post which you can read here. It honestly does what it says on the label and helps to detangle my hair when it's at its worst. Fully recommend this product if you are prone to tangles or have thick hair.

Bourjois 1 seconde & Manicure laser toppings - I wrote about these in full here. I only discovered recently how amazing the fan effect brush which comes with these 1 seconde polishes are, it makes the task of nail painting easy and i will be buying more from their range for sure. 

Acne Killer Mask - Honestly,this is the 'creme de la creme' i suffered really badly from acne and within 2 months it was gone due to using this. Its a painful peel off mask but oh so effective. Read my full review here.

Lush sweet lips vanilla and chocolate sugar lip scrub - Most people know how fabulous lush lip scrubs are, and the deliciously tasting flavours they do. Not long ago i picked this one up and have been using it ever since,i usually do it as a weekly treat and it really helps to eliminate dry skin and leaves them looking and feeling smooth,making lipstick application on top of them afterwards look flawless. Not only that but the taste of this one is to die for,okay so maybe once or twice i have accidentally eaten it...

Bourjois Color Boost shade 2 Fuchsia Libre - I picked this up on a 3 for 2 offer after hearing lots of bloggers raving about them so i took the plunge and picked up shade 2 which swatches as a glossy bright pink (fuschia), i wont say much about it as i plan to do a full review but so far i love it when its first been applied but then the gloss tends to go as soon as i eat or drink something boo!

So that's my first round up of my monthly favourites,i hope you have enjoyed reading it! 

What do you think of these products? Have you featured any of these in your favourites post?

Acne Killer peel off mask | Review

 I have always suffered from skin which is prone to a few spots but at the end of last year i developed really bad acne, which i believe came on from badly blocked pores as i knew i hadn't been looking after my skin properly in the previous summer. The acne was so bad and if anyone has ever had it you know how much it knocks your confidence and makes you self conscious. I tried every spot remedy under the sun,wasted a lot of money and nothing worked,i was also reluctant to try medication to treat it.

While i was living in Finland i saw an ad which came up for an Acne killer face mask,i translated the page to English and as a last ditch attempt i went for it and paid for a 5 pack of these masks which was about 20 euros, its benefits of using the mask are so good that they guarantee your money back if it doesn't work! Now back in the UK you can purchase these from Stylelux UK for £14.95,i have also seen these on eBay.  It is a danish brand so it is not readily available to the UK at the moment. I have never found anything that worked on my spots in the past but please believe me this product is an absolute MIRACLE!

Sorry for the stern face,the mask was so tight i couldn't smile haha

 This mask claims to 'remove pimples, blackheads, impurities, and excess oil while the mask dries in just minutes.Not weeks, not days, not even hours. Just minutes!' It also removes dead skin cells from the surface of your skin and when it is peeled away it leaves your skin looking cleaner,fresher and smoother than ever.It also contains completely natural ingredients meaning it wont irritate the skin.

This mask has a thick and gloopy consistency but it spreads onto the skin easily,my tips for this are to avoid the delicate skin areas such as under the eyes and away from your eyebrows,i also push my hair back with a headband because this mask will stick to your hair and rip it out! I usually leave the mask on longer than the 10 minutes recommended but to be fully dry it takes about 40 minutes. Now i must say this mask is not for the faint hearted. Peeling this mask off is so painful,BUT for me it is totally worth it as you can see from below it comes off in one piece unlike other peel off masks i have used in the past which are watery and end up having to be taken off in multiple pieces and you can actually see what has been pulled out from your pores,from the first use it pulled out all of my dead skin cells meaning that it was a fast and effective way of clearing my badly blocked pores. 

Pretty scary!

I used this mask once every two weeks while i had the acne, and i kid you not my acne started to clear up straight away i really could not believe it,it was a miracle! 2 months later and my acne had completed vanished,i wasn't even left with any small spots. I now use this mask once a month just to prevent my pores from becoming blocked again and since February i have only had a few spots here and there but nothing major. I literally cannot recommend this product enough to anyone that is suffering from acne or has skin prone to spots, i wont lie because it is painful and it does sting for a while after but this does calm down quite quickly, but i will never stop using it as it has been the only thing i have ever used which has treated and cured my acne. At £14.95 it is not that expensive and it has meant that i haven't wasted more money on trying to find an alternative that works.

I am so happy i discovered this while i was in Finland because else i would probably still be suffering from acne and i hope i can help some of you in the discovery of it! Have any of you tried this before? What are your thoughts on this product?